I have to admit that my communication skill is relatively bad. I know how to speak and how to listen to the others, but I just don't know how to communicate well. For this reason, I participated in a NLP workshop today which aimed to improve our communication skill by using NLP.
NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. It is knowledge on how to use the language of the mind to consistently achieve our specific and desired outcome, with the use of five senses, language and nonverbal communication.
At the beginning of the workshop, our instructor asked us one question, "What makes you difficult to communicate?" I am sure that most of you could give out some examples for this question, such as language differences and overly hostile stereotypes. These barriers are strongly affecting our communications. Our instructor then indicated that there was a theory for communication -- communication is 7% words, 38% tonality and 55% physiology. That means we can only get 7% of the actual meaning of the others' words. Therefore, we have to depend on four factors: F (Facial Expression), A (Attitude), S (Strategy), T (Technique), to deliver our meanings to the others. And NLP gives us a good idea of how to improve these four factors.
As communication is bilateral, to communicate efficiently, first we have to understand the thinking style of people. There are mainly four key characteristics for everyone. They are visual, auditory, kinaesthetic and auditory digital. However, how can we know what the characteristic of someone we don't know is? NLP mentions that we can find it out by observing their behaviors, for instance, skin color, breathing rate, lower lip size and eyes. It does take time for us to train how to observe these behaviors, but it would be very useful in communication. Once we have enough sensory acuity, we can easily find out the characteristics of the others.
After we know others' characteristics, we have to provide a "climate of trust" with them. When people are like each other, they like each other, so we should have a good rapport. The major elements of rapport are "Matching" and "Mirroring". We can try to match or mirror others, in this part, posture and facial expression are very important. For instance, if you are talking to one who are holding his arms, then you can try to match him by holding your arms. Although it's just a simply action, but it will unconsciously provide a comfortable environment and he will more likely to accept your talking.
Moreover, when we are facing a lot of people, we will become nervous and lose our self-confidence easily, and cannot communicate well. NLP also provides us a skill to build up our confidence, it is called circle of excellence. Imagine there is a circle on the floor in front of you. Then close your eyes and go inside the circle. In the circle, imagine a time in the past that you were at the most confident point and full of energy. After that, try to feel what it's like to be in that state, see yourself in the circle being wonderful, hear what is going on around you and overhear yourself responding wittily. Next, try to keep this state in your mind and you will be confident. Finally, when you walk out the circle, collect this circle up and next time when you lose your confidence, you can take this circle out, put it on the floor and return to this circle of excellence again.
Through this workshop, I've learned what NLP is and I will try to apply the idea of NLP to improve my communication skill. Consequently, next time when you meet me, don't be strange if I am focusing on your lips or shoulders, because I am just trying to train my sensory acuity and figuring out what your characteristics are.
NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. It is knowledge on how to use the language of the mind to consistently achieve our specific and desired outcome, with the use of five senses, language and nonverbal communication.
After we know others' characteristics, we have to provide a "climate of trust" with them. When people are like each other, they like each other, so we should have a good rapport. The major elements of rapport are "Matching" and "Mirroring". We can try to match or mirror others, in this part, posture and facial expression are very important. For instance, if you are talking to one who are holding his arms, then you can try to match him by holding your arms. Although it's just a simply action, but it will unconsciously provide a comfortable environment and he will more likely to accept your talking.
Moreover, when we are facing a lot of people, we will become nervous and lose our self-confidence easily, and cannot communicate well. NLP also provides us a skill to build up our confidence, it is called circle of excellence. Imagine there is a circle on the floor in front of you. Then close your eyes and go inside the circle. In the circle, imagine a time in the past that you were at the most confident point and full of energy. After that, try to feel what it's like to be in that state, see yourself in the circle being wonderful, hear what is going on around you and overhear yourself responding wittily. Next, try to keep this state in your mind and you will be confident. Finally, when you walk out the circle, collect this circle up and next time when you lose your confidence, you can take this circle out, put it on the floor and return to this circle of excellence again.
Through this workshop, I've learned what NLP is and I will try to apply the idea of NLP to improve my communication skill. Consequently, next time when you meet me, don't be strange if I am focusing on your lips or shoulders, because I am just trying to train my sensory acuity and figuring out what your characteristics are.
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